This is an excerpt from the hilarious novel, Tony Blair: The Wilderness Years, by Ian Duncan Smith. You can download Tony Blair: The Wilderness Years for free.

Included in Tony Blair: The Wilderness Years are details of the following Visitor Attractions for the Invershneckieshire Area, including the charming coastal villages of Nairn and Ardrossan, with its fine bed and breakfast.

The Cromal Man Free Kirk - For services and other information about Invershneckieshire's historic kirk, click here. Visitors must make prior arrangement with my sister, or else. Why not stay in Ardrossan's finest bed and breakfast? Click here.

Ardrossan - Charming, yet quiet and unspoilt. Invershneckieshire's tiny secret treasure. Please note, there is no Sunday bus service to Ardrossan and that's the way we like it. Click here.

Culloden Battelfield - A visitor centre, a theme park with ice cream, lollipops, pencil sharpeners. Whatever next? Culloden joke books?

Graveston's Leap - Stuff and nonsense. It's not anything. It's some fancy idea made up in tourist information for the sightseeing hoards.

Ardrossan International Aiport - For National and International Departures. Please note, construction of the new runway is underway. Click Here for reduced Schedule to the Highlands and Islands.

Protean, Nairn - For those who like to live it up. Natter Enterprises finest nightlife venue. Conferencing space is available for groups of up to fifty with fully-licensed facilities, see Isla in reception for details. Personally, I wouldn't touch it with a barge pole.

The Blue Bell, Ardrossan - Good, traditional fayre, and just across the square from a very fine bed and breakfast. It's probably the finest in the whole of Scotland. Click here.

The Fort, Ardrossan - See Ardrossan.

Accommodation during your stay - Mrs Harris's Bed and Breakfast, Ardrossan. The Machiavellian Hotel, Invershneckie. I wouldn't stay there, personally. Look at the visitor book. Appalling.

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